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December 2007
How a Nice Jewish Girl Did Christmas —
We Jewish families lit candles and waited for our nightly gift, which was always utilitarian and, need I say, disappointing (though Grandma and Grandpa did come through with something special at the family latke party). Of course, since Chanukah is based on the Jewish calendar, it was often long gone by December 25. I wanted that Christmas spirit badly. I enthusiastically sang all the Christmas songs in my elementary school classes – even though I wasn’t sure it was ok to sing about Jesus. And on Christmas morning, as soon as my parents let me, I popped across the street to my best friend’s house to look at her loot. There were fuzzy winter sweaters and a new coat and, of course, toys including the latest doll, with accoutrements. They went to church, but for me that was just an interruption between the morning gift gazing (or was it gift-envy) and afternoon cookie time. By high school, my best friend had changed and so did my interest in Christmas. It was the mistletoe, the parties, and caroling in mufflers followed by hot cocoa around a blazing fire – in other words, the romance that I perceived – that interested me. When I linked up with a Protestant partner, I realized I’d finally get to have Christmas. It could be warm and fuzzy and without religious implications because he considered it simply a joyous family day. But as December approached, I became more uncomfortable about having a tree in my home. It just didn’t feel right. A friend and colleague and observant Jew helped me sort it out. “Did he go to services with you on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?” she asked. Yes, he had – and with more interest, I might add, then my Jewish ex-husband. “Then you need to do Christmas with him,” was her advice. So for the first time, I went tree shopping. We picked out a beautiful, mid-size fluffy pine, and then shopped for ornaments. We decided on a Southwestern theme and purchased chili pepper lights and vividly painted wooden ornaments. The tree was surrounded by colorfully wrapped presents – we’d received boxes of them from his relatives in the East and, of course, shopped for our own. On Christmas morning we watched as his young teenage daughter opened up her goodies. And we opened ours. Not a utilitarian gift among them. I was having Christmas! As the years passed, we created our own traditions. I bought a new menorah and we put it in the window, lighting the candles each night and sharing the time as the candles burned down. We hosted our annual latke party for friends and family, which occasionally coincided with Christmas. On Christmas, we visited different churches for midnight mass. And each year, we stored our lights and ornaments in their carefully-saved boxes. When his daughter began spending Christmas with her boyfriend, just stopping by for a holiday meal, our tree got much smaller. The focus came off the presents and was directed instead to our family. Christmas, like Thanksgiving and Chanukah, became a day for us to gather together and simply enjoy the riches of our family and friendships. Happy Holidays
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It’s a tough season for many Jews – particularly if you’re a Jewish kid. In the Conservative (religiously, not politically) Jewish household in a small Midwestern Jewish community where I grew up, we did Chanukah. And we didn’t compete with Christmas.