When Chanukah and Christmas Collide
It doesn’t happen every year because Jewish holidays are based on a lunar calendar, but this December Chanukah and Christmas will coincide. Chanukah begins at sunset on December 21 and Christmas Eve occurs just three days later, in the midst of the eight-day festival of lights.
What’s the best way for interfaith families to deal with this unusual convergence? Bridges consulted two experts who have worked with interfaith families for many years: Dawn Kepler, founder and director of Building Jewish Bridges, and Rosanne Levitt, founder and past director of Interfaith Connection.
Bridges: How do you celebrate when Christmas takes place during Chanukah?
Rosanne: First of all we have to keep in mind that these holidays are not the same in importance in their respective traditions. Whether it’s celebrated religiously or not, Christmas is a very significant holiday for Christians. Chanukah, on the other hand, is a minor Jewish holiday, made important by its proximity to Christmas. A friend visiting me from South Africa was amazed at the big deal American Jews make out of it.
Dawn: I don’t recommend building Chanukah up to try to make it competitive with Christmas. Let it be what it is – a time to light candles together and enjoy traditional foods and games.
Bridges: Can you celebrate the two holidays in one extended family gathering?
Dawn: I suggest separating the two. You can have a Chanukah gathering any one of the other eight nights and join your family for Christmas Eve or day. But if, for example, there is only one night that your extended family can be together and you’re considering recognizing both holidays at that time, the important first step is to call a family conference and find out how everyone feels about it before making a decision. There are a lot of high emotions around Christmas. You must be sensitive to grandma and grandpa’s feelings and be respectful of family traditions.
Rosanne: If you decide to celebrate two holidays at one family gathering, separation is still important. Put the Chanukiah, the Chanukah menorah, in another room, or at least a different side from the Christmas tree, and set aside a special time to light the candles and think about this holiday.
It’s particularly important to keep boundaries clear so that your children can understand that there are two different holidays and one is celebrated by Daddy’s family and the other by Mommy’s. As long as you are clear yourselves, your children will get it.
Dawn: This is an opportunity to be a responsible educator.
Rosanne: Of course, each of our families is different and you have to find the way that works for yours.
Dawn: It’s important to remember that you’re treading in new territory. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a rabbi or another professional to help you sort it out.
There are a number of programs and professionals in the Bay Area to help you explore your feelings and options. Among them are: Helena McMahon at Interfaith Connection, 415.292.1252 or hmcmahon@jccsf.org; Dawn Kepler at Building Jewish Bridges, 510.414.2255 or dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org. For additional resources, contact Jewish Community Information & Referral at 415.777.4545 orinfo@JewishNfo.org.
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