July 2007
Is There a Congregation for You?
By Dawn Kepler
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File photo / Lloyd Wolf Copyright: UJC
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Do you wonder whether you can find your place in the Jewish community? Is there a synagogue for you? Will there be people like you when you get there?
On a recent Friday night a friend of mine had his adult bar mitzvah. My friend is gay and specifically chose a date with a Torah portion that he found particularly relevant and wanted to speak about. He was magnificent! But it was not just his chanting and his speech that made the evening feel so filled with joy. I took a moment to reflect on who was in the sanctuary.
He had the opportunity to invite friends to participate in the reading of the Torah. He had chosen one of the oldest women in the congregation, a tiny woman who walked slowly and proudly up to the bimah to chant the blessing. He had also chosen my college age daughter who came home for the weekend. His partner sat with their twins, age 2 ½, their big eyes taking in everything. I also noted that there were at least 10 Jews-by-Choice in the pews, and a number of non-Jewish members. What an abundance of joy. His partner is in the catering business and the oneg...ahhhh, delectable!
The next morning I went to a bat mitzvah. Maya, a lovely young girl, has a Jewish mom and a Muslim dad. She was anxious and danced about the social hall with nervous energy. Her dad’s family is Indian and he had asked a Sudanese friend to bring his drum, so there was percussion during the songs. It was quite wonderful. The cantor had specifically selected Middle Eastern tunes for the service to reflect the family background. Maya’s dad, a lovely man who I’ve now known for nine years looked on proudly. There were Jews, Muslims, Christians, and I am pretty sure some Hindus in the congregation and everyone seemed to be so happy that we were together. The rabbi said, “If only the world could look like us.”
I was honored to have been asked to present Maya with her kiddush cup and I told the story of meeting her parents. At the oneg her mom said, “You remembered what I said to you!” She had told me that a friend and neighbor, a Muslim woman, had told her, “Raise her as a Jew or a Muslim, but give her something.” Guess what? The woman was there and I got to meet her.
Do not think for a moment that you won’t find others like you in a synagogue. There are folks of all backgrounds, orientations, practice levels, colors and ages. You fit right in. Don’t let anyone tell you that the Jewish community isn’t dying to have you. It is! Congregations from each of the streams of Judaism are working in their own way to welcome and integrate the diverse families of Jews that approach them. Reform congregations have established policies on the role of non-Jews and many welcome non-Jewish parents to participate in synagogue rituals. The Conservative movement has initiated a program of “Keruv” or “drawing near,” just to help their interfaith couples. Orthodox congregations handle families in an intimate and individual way. In fact, last week an Orthodox rabbi I work with said about a class he teaches, “This class is for John.” John is a non-Jewish husband of a congregant.
Believe me, there is a place for you.
If you are feeling confused about how to “get in,” maybe you need a Shabbos buddy, someone who is a member at a synagogue near you to meet you there, sit with you and introduce you around. If that’s what you need, just give me a call at 510-839-2900 x347 or 925-943-1484. Together, we can make this happen.
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