Purim and Intermarriage
By Rabbi Geela Rayzel Raphael
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| A 1651 painting by the Dutch artist Jan Victors depicts the scene from the Book of Esther in which the queen confronts Haman at a banquet with her husband, King Ahasuerus. |
Note: On Purim, which begins at sunset on March 9, we dress in costume, carry on in the sanctuary and even have permission to get drunk (if we’re old enough). The writer of this story suggests that it’s important to look at another aspect of the holiday. This story is reprinted from www.interfaithfamily.com.
The emphasis in the story of Purim, the Jewish holiday which falls in March this year, is usually on the costumes and raucous booing to drown out the villain Haman's name. Children are paraded in their alter identities--as everything from Queens to Batman. Carnivals are held to revel in the victory of the Jews fighting against the decree of Achashverosh, the drunken king. Shalach manot (gifts and food packages) are sent from friend to friend based on the traditional celebratory ending of the reading of the Megilah, the Purim narrative. Hamentashen (triangle shaped cookies resembling Haman's hats), are eaten. Jokes and shpiels (plays) are written to highlight the fact that the Jews get the last laugh.
But wait, aren't we forgetting something? At the very center of this story is an intermarriage! It is about none other than our Queen Esther, named as one of the prophetesses in Israel. She is such an important person that the entire book is named after her. The very fact that the Jews are saved is dependent on the fact that the queen is married to the non-Jewish king. Because of Esther's position she is able to intervene and save the Jews, and she does this without compromise to her religion.
Now, as we know, intermarriage has not been celebrated in our communities over the centuries. Parents have cut off children, families have been shunned. We have lived with the fear of assimilation. However, in this day where the rate of intermarriage is close to 50 percent, it is time to look around and notice some of the benefits. Here is a role model from our tradition that seems to indicate very clearly that marriage to a non-Jew has it advantages.
In today's world there are still plenty of Hamans. Iran is threatening Israel with nuclear attack; Islamic Jihad sends suicide bombers; skinheads still tattoo themselves with swastikas; and synagogues around the world are defaced. Jews are still killed because they are Jews.
Perhaps we now have a glimmer of hope coming from an unlikely place: Intermarriages which up to now have been so troubling, now offer us opportunities and new realties.
Perhaps in all the intermarriages that are happening today, we are acquiring allies for the Jewish people. Perhaps we now have hundreds of thousands of non-Jews who are also committed to the survival of the Jewish people, its customs and teachings, and to raising Jewish children. Perhaps we have fellow travelers who appreciate the richness of our heritage and will step forward to help us combat the hatred that exists. Perhaps we will be safer to live as Jews.
Perhaps, like the Purim story, there is and will be a silver lining to intermarriage, one that will become another reason to celebrate.
Rabbi Geela Rayzel Raphael is rabbinic consultant with InterFaithways - the interfaith support network of Jewish Family & Children's Service of Greater Philadelphia. She is also the rabbi of Beth Israel congregation in Woodbury, NJ; consults with the Jewish Women's Spirituality Institute; and sings with Miraj and Shabbat Unplugged. You can visit her websites at http://www.shechinah.com and http://www.shechinah.com/grr/rabbi.html.
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