November 2006
December Holidays:
Reducing the Stress and Increasing the Joy
By Dawn Kepler

American capitalism has taken hold of December and made it a Hallmark month. High expectations of blissful family gatherings, delicious food and perfect gifts have created an idealized vision of this month of celebration. Add to that the golden glow of our own childhood memories, airbrushed by time, and we – Jewish, Christian or Buddhist – are set up for disappointment.

So I say, “Stop the bus!”

Let’s take time to review our expectations in the cold light of adulthood and develop do-able plans that will help ensure a good, stress-free month. Here are some manageable suggestions:

  • Reduce gift giving. Few of us need the avalanche of tchotchkes (knick-knacks and playthings) that come from people who feel they must give something. Cut back. Make deals that involve activities such as going out to dinner together and enjoying each other’s company instead.
  • Don’t overdo it. Say no when you’re tired or just plain don’t want to go.
  • Reserve time for dear ones. If you haven’t seen your sister in eight months, say no to the office party and go hang out with her instead.
  • Reduce your expectations around home-cooked meals. It’s OK to order a take-out meal instead of slaving in the kitchen. It’s sharing mealtime that’s the important part.
  • Develop new traditions. Instead of eight nights of gifts and a blowout Christmas, make each night of the holiday celebrations different. One night might be a games night, another for cookie baking and a third designated as a read-aloud night. What about serving Christmas dinner at a shelter this year and spreading the meaning of the season beyond just your own family and friends?

Most of all, don’t create your own pressure cooker by focusing all your “holiday good time” expectations into one month of the year. If all your warm moments are crammed into December, what’s left for the rest of the year? Build celebrations and traditions into the entire year instead.

A woman I know who is of Christian belief offered the image of a pressure cooker in one of our groups. She said she waited all year for Christmas and if it didn’t live up to her expectations, the rest of the year felt like a wasteland. But then she began to celebrate the Jewish holidays. She found that there seemed to be one almost every month. She made blintzes for Shavuot in May; baked cookies for Purim baskets in March; planted a tree for Tu’bishvat in February; and attended seders in April. She got her husband to build a sukkah in October and took the kids to an Israel fair in June. Then they decided to do Shabbat.

She told the group, “I found ways to let the steam off. And now I have a weekly reason to have company if I want. I finally feel full, not empty.”

Take out a Jewish calendar or go to www.jholidays.org and put some dates on the calendar right now for January, February or March. Don’t create a feast or famine mentality.

And what about Shabbat? Don’t you deserve a weekly opportunity to sit back and smile at family or friends and enjoy a glass of wine, a loaf of bread, laughter and conversation? A rabbi once said, “Christmas day is the only day that all Americans have a Shabbat experience.” Build traditions that feed your soul and give them to yourself more than once a year.

Happy Holidays – all year long!

 

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