with Janet Harris
How Do You Raise a Jewish Child?
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| A dad and child put coins in a tzedakah box |
If you have a question for our experts about raising Jewish children or issues about family life and relationships between people of different faiths, please email us at bridges@sfjcf.org.
There is no road map to raising a Jewish child. Each of us has to compose our own way. We have to figure out what works for our family in our diverse and non-Jewish world.
I believe the best way to raise a Jewish child is to have Judaism in your own lives, as adults, in whatever way is authentic to you. In other words, to teach by example. You may be halachly observant – that is, you strictly follow Jewish laws, or you may express your Judaism through social action or nature and spirituality. When you tie it to Judaism, it’s an authentic way to relate to being Jewish.
More isn’t better. It isn’t a race or a competition. It’s important to do things that work with your own parenting style as well as your own sensibilities about Judaism.
Having a mentor (or two) is helpful. Your mentor doesn’t need to be a parent or relative – it could be a friend or a work colleague or someone you know from a synagogue or school. Neither my husband nor I was raised in observant households. We gained our Jewish parenting experience from our friends. They didn’t know it, but they were our mentors. Watching them and being included in their lives provided a model for our family. It was inspiring, and it gave us confidence to develop our own traditions and style of observance.
Our job as Jewish parents is to guide our children and give them experiences that imprint them. So rather than talking about a holiday, do something. The upcoming holiday of Sukkot provides an opportunity to do one of the best things families can do: build a sukkah. It’s fun and there are so many ways children can participate. They can help build and decorate the sukkah. It’s outside and they don’t have to sit still and be quiet. They can eat and even sleep in the sukkah. It’s an experience they’ll remember forever.
It’s important to create your own traditions and memories with your children that are uniquely yours. As you take on new customs and traditions, remember it’s not a race. Feel comfortable taking baby steps.
Janet Harris, the director of the Early Childhood Education Initiative of the Jewish Community Federation of San Francisco, the Peninsula, Marin and Sonoma Counties, can be reached at 415.499.1223 or janeth@sfjcf.org. Parenting Matters discussion groups will begin in late October in the North Peninsula and Marin. (See calendar for details.)
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